Essays -  Winter, 2009

by Randy Roche, SJ


Below is a title and brief description of each essay. To read an essay,  click on its title.

Revelations - Revelations about God are much more common than we might think.

Surprises - Most of us appreciate pleasant surprises.

Honest to Self - Honesty, like love, is spiritual.

“The Ask” - Like eager fund-raisers, do we need to inform God our benefactor about the value of our not-for-profit lives?

Questions for God - Does God care about our questions?

Care-Givers - Care-giving is radically God-like.

Gift of Tears - Why “gift” of tears?

Come In! - Can you imagine God not answering a metaphorical knock on the door?

Why Listen? - The decisions we make when we attend to what others say or write is a significant aspect of our relationship with God.

Resting - Resting is much more about receiving, than giving.

Refuge - Where, or to whom, do we go when we are in trouble?

Thank You - Gratitude defines us as much as being able to think and to walk on two feet.

Revelations

We can flick a switch and turn on the lights, enabling us to see the contents of a darkened room. We cannot as easily illuminate by ourselves some of the mental, emotional, and spiritual “furnishings” of our interior rooms. But if we are willing to open our minds and hearts to seek the meaning, purpose, and motivations that make a difference in our lives, we will find them revealed to us.

Though we do not cause revelations of our deepest interior movements we can expect that we will receive them, as members of a beautifully crafted creation that is far more than mere physical existence. We can dispose ourselves to see some of the movements in our hearts that are important for our well-being and for the benefit of those around us.

God, in manifesting care for us without diminishing our precious freedom of choice, is more than adept at revealing to us who we are most authentically, and of course Who God is – and sometimes in the same experience. For example, a parent might look at a child and suddenly recognize the awesome change in his or her identity as having become a mother or a father – a “revelation” more than a mere intellectual assent to an obvious fact – and in the same moment also receive a sense that this change in life is a participation in the ongoing creative love of God.

Our experiences of revelations in daily life are frequently described in the words “Oh, now I get it!” We might find much cause for joy if we take time to reflect on some of the many and varied experiences of revelation that already have been ours, and to expect that many more will come to us.

Revelations about God are much more common than we might think especially if we are accustomed to seeing the word only applied, with a capital “R,” to scriptures and doctrines. But, Ignatius of Loyola pointed out that God deals directly with each one of us. When we become aware of a particular instance of God’s presence and action in our lives, we might be profoundly moved, and remember the moment and its impact on us for the rest of our lives. Though such a revelation might be thought of as bearing a small “r” because it is a personal gift, not directed to the entire faith-community, is has no less power to affect us, and through us, many other persons.

Some of the most significant revelations we receive about ourselves involve our vocations. The occasions when we come to know with certainty that we are to marry, or to follow a particular career, or to take on a new attitude towards life, are not only important for us, but for many other people as well. God’s all-encompassing Revelation of love includes giving specific revelations to individuals that are ultimately for the good of all people.

Examples of revelations include instances when our faith in God becomes much more an act of sincere trust than a statement of doctrine. Also, when we are able to recognize, without thought or consideration, exactly the right words or deeds to apply that will help, heal, or otherwise benefit other persons, we experience revelations.

We can find a daily source of gratitude in calling to mind our revelations.

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Surprises

Planning a surprise for someone requires thought, skill, and usually a certain amount of luck. Have you ever tried, and perhaps failed, in attempting to organize a small party that was to be a surprise for a family member or a friend? In making arrangements, we have to know the habits and inclinations of the intended recipients of a surprise, and, if we live or work closely with them, continue to keep up appearances of normalcy while acting in secrecy. And for all the careful preparations we make, we might receive a kind of “counter-surprise” when something happens that we did not consider, preventing the fulfillment of our plan.

Spontaneous surprises are much easier to present to others than those that require a design and strategy to implement. Our prior attitude of wanting to please an individual or a group, and our knowledge of their personalities, are essential elements of successful unplanned surprises. When an opportunity arises, we act, and we surprise the intended recipient or recipients by what we say or do either as an individual or in concert with others. We do not have to plan in secret, but we do need to trust our caring inspirations when they occur.

Most of us appreciate pleasant surprises, such as an unexpected phone call, an unaccustomed invitation, or a gift on no particular occasion, especially when we recognize that they are the result of other’s thoughtfulness. And we enjoy surprising others, in causing them delight, and in demonstrating the care or respect we have for them.

God takes pleasure in surprising us, and is completely aware of what will please us most at any and every moment, and in all circumstances. Even though God is closer to us than our own thoughts, keeping a secret is neither a necessity nor a problem. Those who reflect on their experiences with God learn to expect surprises, at any time. God has infinite capacity for initiating new events, insights, and movements on our behalf, as well as having a perfect sense of timing for those experiences that are familiar to us. God is so creative, that even in a matter where we have a precise expectation of a gift we are still surprised when we actually receive it.

Surprises are an easily perceptible sign of the presence and action of God in our daily lives. Some of us, when we reflect on the events of a day, will look for instances where people or events suddenly came together well, solutions presented themselves when we were not looking for them, or minutes or hours of time became available for us when we could not see how we would manage to get through the day. These are very often the direct action of God who not only knows what we need, but sees the whole picture: all the consequences not only for us, but for every person who might in any way be affected by the occurrence that takes place.

God can easily surprise us. How could we ever surprise God? It seems impossible. We certainly cannot manage to create a secret plan. But we can spontaneously act: a prayer just to say “hello,” or to give thanks; a pause in the midst of something we are doing to acknowledge the presence of the One who gives us the talents, intelligence, and desires to accomplish our tasks. All that we direct or aim towards God from our hearts can be our “surprise” gifts. Since God is pleased in giving us surprises, we can believe that receiving them from us is also a cause for delight.

Surprises.

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Honest to Self

Children used to say “honest to God” to support their statements in the face of others’ doubts. For adults, in this culture where appearances are sometimes promoted over reality, we have to choose between denial and honesty even within ourselves. Rather than calling God as a witness to the truth of what we believe, we ourselves affirm or deny the values upon which we base our lives.

Honesty in our own internal thinking is essential for mental, emotional, and spiritual integrity even before we consider relationships with others. For example, if we tell ourselves that we are not really tired while we are practically falling asleep on our feet, we will very likely continue to function, but with greatly diminished efficiency, and possibly with harm to ourselves or others. Honest assessment of fatigue does not require that we stop all action, but enables us to judge properly what we can and cannot accomplish now, and to plan for the future.

Honesty, like love, is spiritual. We cannot buy even a tiny bit of honesty, but its presence or absence in decision-making radically affects the outcome of all that we believe and do. God is our partner in every honest choice we make. The movement inside us both enabling and inciting us to speak truth to ourselves and to others is of God’s ongoing creation. If we reflect on our struggles to choose reality over fantasy, we might recognize that the inclination toward light, truth, and goodness which is wholly within us is yet not of our creation, but a mini-experience of transcendence.

The exercise of honesty is a spiritual component of every-day decision-making. We can observe our own dialogue about honesty by attending to the words of our thought processes. We might even vocalize some expressions as we negotiate motives and reasons prior to making a decision. When we do finally affirm some inner words as our truth we act as the sole judge of our inner court, handing down a decision. We might or might not take into account the “constitution” that is written in our hearts: foundational beliefs, occasionally amended as we learn from experiences.

A little example of the workings of honesty: Someone has made a mess, and left it. Besides some inner comments we might make about the other person’s possible up-bringing in a barn, we have a decision to make. What is our truth in this particular set of circumstances? No one is watching, and no one will know whether we choose to put things in order or leave it all for someone else. No one outside could look at the situation and say with assurance whether or not we should or should not take action. But within, we know. This mysterious knowing, upon which we make our decision to pick up the mess or to leave things as they are, might involve some brief discussion or consideration. But we know, honestly, which is the right decision for us at the time.

Honesty is an amazing, useful, and at times awesome gift of God experienced within us.
 

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“The Ask”

Fund-raisers for non-profit organizations seek donors to contribute to their specific causes. Before asking, most of those who try to obtain financial gifts will attempt to inform prospective donors about the significant work being done, and they will also try to identify an appropriate amount to suggest as a donation. They prepare, before making “The Ask.”

We are told in both Scripture and Tradition to ask God for what we need. Each of us can be considered as a “non-profit” entity. Valued as we might be, and perhaps given some payment by those we serve as employees, leaders, or helpers, we remain completely dependent upon God as the giver and sustainer of life – both here and hereafter.

Like eager fund-raisers, do we need to inform God our benefactor about the value of our not-for-profit lives? Though God knows everything, and does need to learn from us in order to be convinced of our worthiness, we benefit by “making our case” with God. By describing our need, we are drawn into honest reflection, and become more aware of both our sincere desires and our human limitations. In trying to cast our request in terms that will appeal to the only motive God can have in our regard – love – we begin, even in describing our needs, to receive the “funding” that enables us to accomplish the purpose for which we are given life.

When we consider the qualities of our Benefactor carefully, we are easily and naturally drawn into valuing what God values, and we will modify our requests accordingly. In consciously suiting our appeals to the One upon whose donations we depend, we will deepen our trust, hope, and love. Though we begin asking out of an awareness of our immediate need, we often end with a broader, more inclusive petition that connects us directly with God. When we ask, we always receive.

What size donation do we think God might be willing to make to our cause? God’s resources are unlimited. But we are very aware of constraints, such as time, money, and energy, which affect all of us. We are so used to dealing with measured amounts we might think that we should keep our requests of God to a minimum. We could even believe that if God gives us what we seek at one time, we should not ask again soon. But size and frequency are of no concern to God. Rather, we are welcome at all times to bring our requests to God, however great or small, whenever the inspiration to ask occurs to us. God initiates every movement of honest relationship that we experience, including not only the spontaneous concerns we might lift up in prayer, but also our habits of making requests in Liturgies and in private devotions. We learn as we go, about making “The Ask.”

Even if we do not plan to make a second request of a benefactor, we would be most ungrateful if we did not give thanks for what we have received. Sincere gratitude enlivens us, whether or not it pleases others. Only a forced acknowledgment of a gift can be made with a frown; real thankfulness brings a smile to our faces, and completes a cycle of love: asking and receiving.

Donors often like to be informed about how their gifts have been used. Repeat donations are encouraged thereby. Might we consider the use to which we have put God’s latest gifts to us? Though God knows better than we all the effects that follow upon the responses given to our requests, our reflections about the benefits we have received will greatly encourage us. Rather than becoming selfish about what we have been given, we will more likely become more generous in praying for others as well as ourselves, and more open to the mysterious but loving ways that God answers us.

Ask.
 

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Questions for God

When I was a sophomore in a Jesuit high school, one of the students (certainly not me!) asked the religion teacher “Can God make a rock so big that he can’t lift it?” The question was not really about God, but served only as an attempt to challenge the teacher. Some of our genuine questions about God are best answered, not by asking a teacher, but God.

Does God care about our questions? If God were only a bigger version of us, of course it would be unreasonable to expect direct, personal dialogue in our relationship. But, God creates all that exists more easily than any one of us thinks a single thought. God is not limited to a certain number of “contact hours” with human beings. Every one of us is created precisely so that we might freely relate personally with God and God with us.

Nothing of honest concern to us in our relationship with God is unimportant. In our loving concern for a particular individual in our lives, we might expend a significant amount of emotional energy trying to find an answer to a question about whether or to what degree he or she cares about us. An insecure person will ask mutual friends for their opinions about whether or not a third party holds us in esteem. The only sure means to learn the truth is to speak directly with the one who is the focus of our attention. The Bible, spiritual books, teachings in churches, personal testimonies from people, all tell us that God loves us. But to obtain the certainty that our hearts require, we should ask God.

Even if we are usually direct in our dealings with people, we might not be accustomed to bringing questions to God, and to understanding the answers we receive. Lack of familiarity, rather than fear of rejection, will most often prevent us from asking questions of God.

We might think that we should bring only the most serious of questions to God, as if we were approaching the head of a major organization. But if the head of the major organization is our mother, father, or dearest friend, we ask whatever we want within our relationship of mutual love and respect. The criterion for questions of God is the same as for those closest to us: honesty.

God always replies, but our listening might not always be as honest as our asking. How we listen for the answers to our questions is as important as the wise and sometimes courageous decisions we make to address God directly. In any dialogue, we hear according to our changing perceptions of not only words, tones of voice, gestures, and facial expressions, but inner resonances and movements of both inspiration and doubt. With God, we do not usually see or hear except with our inner senses. But peace is perceptible and also dependable as a positive indicator of an answer that satisfies at the deepest level of our awareness. We take delight when a thought or idea gives us the clarity we sought, and serves as another inner movement that reveals to consciousness the answers we seek from God.

We can also re-phrase questions that do not receive immediate answers, just as we do with people. God fully understands our intentions and thoughts, but when our interior senses give us no indications, and no clarifying inspirations come to us, we can re-frame our questions. We do so not to enable God to comprehend our present concern, but for our own better understanding of the issue that affects us. Not receiving an answer is as real a part of dialogue with God as would be that of a trusted friend telling us that our question in its present formulation has a hidden, and negatively skewed, presupposition attached – much like the sophomore asking about God’s power to move a rock. If we listen not only for answers, but attend to our interior senses as they reveal the attitude of trust (or the opposite) from which our questions arise, we will ultimately find the right questions, and then receive the answers we need.

“God, I have a question . . .”


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Care-Givers

Two different persons each planned to attend a weekend retreat, but were unable to do so because they chose to meet some immediate needs of their elderly parents. They gave up a kind of “vacation with God,” at some sacrifice to themselves. What they did in place of making a retreat was not “fun” for them, but from their perspective, it was the right thing to do. From an observer’s point of view, their gift to ageing family members was one of many, in a series of quiet, hidden acts of long-term love, not a dramatic, one-time event.

Jesus once invited his hard-working disciples to come away to a place where they could be alone and recuperate from their constant activity of healing and helping all the people who came to them. They got into a boat and took off for a quiet shore. But needy people saw where they were headed and got there before them. No rest; more work; more care-giving. (Mark 6:30-34)

I can imagine becoming frustrated at the loss of an expected “break,” and perhaps angry with all those who came looking to have their needs met without regard to the welfare of Jesus and the disciples. But as I reflect on the journey in the boat, where they were together for a short time, and away from the crowds, I can believe that their experience in one another’s company enabled them to care whole-heartedly for those who sought them at their destination. If we focus on our inconveniences or disappointments, we remain in a suffering mode. When our focus is on the experiences that support us, we find within us the capacity to give of ourselves more than we had thought possible.

Care-giving is radically God-like. Being careless of others, abusive or condoning violence toward other persons is radically unlike God, who is love and who became human out of love for us. What we do to others manifests our growing into, or out of, the “image and likeness of God.” When our deeds and attitudes are like God’s, people want to be around us. Sometimes, they even demand our attention, as did the crowd who stole away the quiet time that Jesus had planned for his friends.

We cannot know exactly what we will need in order to continue caring for others; neither the clock nor the calendar can tell us when we must “come away to a quiet place.” When we desire to care for others as Jesus did, we can rightfully expect to discover in our experiences all that we need in order to fulfill our purpose in life – even to the details of rest and restoration, as well as support, strength, and courage. Organizations set forth rules and regulations to protect employees from over-work. Care-givers often have no supervisors other than God, but are invited to ask directly (no “going through channels) for recognition of the particular ways that the God of all care provides for them.

We may well discover through reflection, that even when we choose to pass up an opportunity for rest in favor of meeting someone’s needs, we have experiences of “being in the boat with Jesus” that enable us to act as God: care-givers.
 

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Gift of Tears

When my father was in his eighties, I noticed how easily he would be moved to tears – not crying, or displaying emotion, just a glistening in his eyes and a bit of watering whenever we spoke about something that was especially meaningful. The subjects that seemed to touch him most were either about our relationship with God or with each other – definitely personal.

Men rarely think of tears as being anything other than a source of embarrassment, and many women as well, whether in the presence of family members or some other person or persons. Uncomfortable as we might be with them, tears are very often a gift, wrapped so plainly that we can easily dismiss them as somehow inappropriate.

My earliest experiences with tears as “gift” came during a spiritual retreat. I found my eyes sometimes damp during a particularly significant experience of prayer. Since there was no one else but God to see my eyes watering, I did not have much of a struggle with embarrassment, and I learned to appreciate the overflow of positive feelings elicited by the perceived closeness of God. Since that time, I have heard many people either describe similar experiences, or, while talking about God or another personally relevant subject, come to tears.

Why “gift” of tears? We do not cause tears when we pray or converse with someone about matters that pertain to our ideals and deepest desires. Tears are a witness to us that our experience is real, not imaginary; that our thoughts and feelings are linked together in a revelatory union. Faith and love are spiritual gifts; tears are a physical manifestation when we are in touch with the holy ground inside that cannot be manipulated, and where we are uniquely at home within ourselves.

Most of us do not normally experience a handshake, a touch, a hug, or a kiss from God. But many of us sense a closeness that is beyond words, deeply satisfying, memorably real. Sometimes these experiences are conscious experiences of our relationship with God, and at other times they occur in our communion with one another. We have many loves in our lives, and are loved by many different people in ways that often we do not recognize or appreciate. On those occasions when we become aware, with heart-knowledge, that we love someone or are loved, the truth might set off some tears. No harm! God is love.
When we are aware that someone else sees our tears, or we theirs, we might become embarrassed. Upon reflection, the embarrassment is not about doing something wrong, but from a belief that deeply personal thoughts and feelings should not be so readily apparent. If we recall some private experiences of tears, and of their kindly revelations to us about love in relationship with God or other persons, we will likely be more accepting of our need, or of others’ for a handkerchief or tissue.

When tears reveal the presence and action of God in us, they surely are a gift.
 

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Come In!

When I lived in a University residence hall as a chaplain/ counselor, my automatic response to a knock on the door was to open it and welcome whoever came. Depending upon the circumstances of where we are, most of us prefer to give some of our time and energy to those who come to us. Of course we have limits and boundaries, but we usually have a strong preference for being helpful to those who come to us.

Can you imagine God not answering a metaphorical knock on the door? “Sorry, not now; I’m busy.” With God, there are no boundary issues, no fear that we might cause harm; no possibility of our taking up too much time or “being a bother.” We have heard or read the words, “Knock, and the door will be opened for you.” (Luke 11:9) None of us would argue that the saying is false. But, are we wary of knocking?

We know some people to whom we can go at almost any time, and they will receive us, hear us out, and do what they can for us. We might be reluctant to call upon them in case we would be an imposition on their kindness; we may perhaps be embarrassed about appearing to show weakness, or unwilling to admit need. But when we trust friends, family members, other specific individuals, and some particular organizations, we do go to them when we cannot move ahead on our own.

We may possibly bring some of our hesitation-causing thoughts and beliefs to our relationship with God, and spend time questioning ourselves about our motivation, or considering at length a series of objections – all keeping us from knocking on the door. We do ourselves a favor by calling to mind three related considerations: our own willingness to respond to others’ needs, the many positive experiences we have had when we have gone to someone for help, and the difference between God and all the other persons to whom we might turn.

We are familiar with both the natural manner we have of receiving and being received when there is some need for assistance. We are also aware of the many limitations that we all have as humans. When we focus our attention on one person, we cannot do the same for ten others, nor even for one other man, woman, or child. God created time, space, and energy as elements of an appropriate context for us humans, but is not bound by any of those restrictions. God is wholly present to each of us, always, and more inclined to attend to us in our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual condition than even the dearest, closest person we know.

When we reflect on Who is on the other side of the door, we have every reason to expect that when we knock, we will hear, “Come in!”
 

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Why Listen?

Many good people, without clarity of intention, regularly listen to, or read, vicious criticisms of public figures. We know that love in every form always seeks the welfare of others, and brings peace, while the opposite – hate, however “mild” the varieties - seeks to diminish others, and brings agitation. We cannot judge the intentions of talk show hosts, commentators, or writers who tear down reputations and use manipulation of words to incite anger, but we are responsible for what we choose to hear or read as much as we are for what we eat or drink. We will not consume whatever offends our taste or causes sickness. Neither do we need to partake of words that have negative consequences upon our minds and hearts.

In meeting our appetite both for information that will help us, and entertainment that will re-create us, we can choose TV and radio programs to watch, books and magazines to read, that ultimately complement our values, rather than leading us into a zone of negativity. It is not so much the content, but our intention that is most important. Even the Bible has stories of wrong-doing, but when we read or hear them in a context of faith, we are not sickened in spirit. But if we read or hear words that move our emotions with anger, our thoughts with negative judgments, and our attitudes with arrogant superiority, we ingest them to our harm and send ripples of hurt, instead of help, into the world of people around us.

The decisions we make when we attend to what others say or write is a significant aspect of our relationship with God. We know the difference between saying a prayer while we are thinking of something else and listening to God when we clearly seek an answer of some kind. Parents know that their children are not really listening to them when they keep their eyes (and most of their attention) fixed on some occupation. The choice to listen to God can also range from half-hearted to complete focused attention. If we are clear about why we want to listen to God, or anyone else, we will hear much differently than when we sit down and wait for something – anything – to happen.

There is nothing in our lives that is either too great or too small to include in our daily interactions with God. If we have any concern for the effects upon us of some of what we listen to or read, we can ask God whether or not any particular or habitual media program or reading material is helpful or worthless for us at this time.

The major obstacle to asking for insight into our own propensities at any given moment is an unfounded fear that God would act like a self-righteous censor, and say “no” to anything that might be offensive to anyone, ever. Our experience belies the fear. God’s love for us supports our learning and growth as humans through interaction with both beautiful and ugly realities. But, with full knowledge of the intentions of speakers and authors and of our present readiness to benefit or not from what we read or hear, God is the absolutely trustworthy illuminator of our intentions.

The question deserves our conscious, free decision: Why listen?

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Resting

Vacations sometimes include resting, though we often keep so busy with travel and activities that we need a rest after the time of vacation has ended. Our daily needs for rest varies widely among us, as do our practices: some do all their resting at night, while others combine some sleep at night with small “time outs” during the day. Many of us have experimented with our limits by taking as little rest as possible, so as to have more time to accomplish the many items on our “to do” lists. If we have come to accept our own particular limits by having reflected on our experiences, we have learned that sickness or significant loss of efficiency are natural consequences for not taking enough rest.

Besides the physical consequences of fatigue, lack of rest affects our thinking and feelings, and also our spirituality. When we are tired, we are more than ordinarily vulnerable to negative thoughts, as well as more liable to become discouraged and to lose our sense of priorities. Resting is a significant antidote for patterns of thought that lead us into desolation.

Resting is much more about receiving, than giving. In a balanced life, and in every love relationship, we cannot be actively giving all the time. No friendship develops if one person takes all the initiatives and does all the talking, accepting nothing from the other person. In rest, our energy is replenished as we lessen demands on our bodies, minds, and spirits. Besides sleeping, we can receive most of the benefits of resting by choosing to be rather more receptive than active in relating with others and with our environment. How often we find that being in the company of someone we trust, though we converse little and do even less, is even better than a nap for restoring energy and our capacity to match thoughts and actions with our deepest desires.

Prayer too, can be restful. Just as we might have an intense heart-to-heart conversation with a friend at one time, and at another time sit quietly together with hardly any exchange of words, our relationship with God can include direct communication involving thoughts and feelings, as well as occasions when we are only briefly aware that we are in the same place at the same time. We can become appropriately receptive to God as we “let go” into a mode of resting. God continually recreates us, whether we are interacting, resting, or even sleeping.

In our relationship with God, we receive far more than we are capable of recognizing, even when we are fully conscious. While we rest or sleep, especially when we do so in trust that God can and will take care of the world and our affairs while we are “doing nothing,” we usually experience not only physical refreshment that attends a cessation of activity, but increased enthusiasm, creative inspirations, and clarity of thought and feelings that enables us to make decisions that match our values.

When parents know that their children are asleep, they can give their full attention to other matters of importance. While we rest or sleep, God does not metaphorically leave us and go about other business, but continues to move in our minds and hearts, so that we will be able to solve problems and gain realistic expectations of what we can and cannot accomplish when we are again fully conscious.

One of the more pleasant ways of encountering God is when we are resting.

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Refuge

Usually, we read or talk more about refugees than about refuges; we tend to think more about the plight of those whose homes have been destroyed by natural disasters or wars than the places and persons providing safety and security for those who have experienced significant loss. Our attention is drawn first to the negative events that deprive people of homes and livelihood; only later do we attend to the means of caring for them.

Since we are not now refugees, but might at any time experience a difficulty in our lives, we might find present encouragement and hope if we think about who or what might be a refuge for us. And we might do well to consider how we might provide refuge for those in present need.

A refuge might be a place, such as the cave or the stable that Joseph and Mary had at Bethlehem, but most often, refuge is provided by caring persons, whether a physical space or a secure place in mind and heart.

Where, or to whom, do we go when we are in trouble? We readily distinguish family members and friends who will surely be there for us from those who will probably not, even if, by titles and positions in society, they have responsibilities for our welfare. For fire safety at home and places of work, we should know where the alarms and extinguishers are located. We have much more reason to occasionally call to mind those to whom we can turn when our security is threatened.

If we have ever gone through a crisis when it seemed there was no place to go, no one who could understand or help, we might have been surprised by some unexpected assistance that we later suspected came to us from God. Or, we might have turned directly to God from our position of apparent helplessness. Many passages of the Scriptures refer to God as a refuge. On one occasion recorded in the Gospel of John, Jesus asked his closest friends if they were going to leave him. One of them said, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of everlasting life.” (John 6:68). Sometimes we have no other refuge than God, which is far more good news than bad, even though we might wish for a tangible cave or a warm hug.

We are not God, but we might supply a connection for others with God by the care we manifest for them. Though we probably do not have an image of ourselves as refuges, we make ourselves available to both God and others as human sources of security through ongoing appreciation for all that is “right” with our lives in the present. We do not merit, earn, control, or buy our well-being; all is gift. From an attitude and habit of thankfulness to God, we can easily be moved to compassion for refugees and others who are without homes for whatever reason. We can pray, speak, and act out of concern for them rather than limit ourselves to criticisms of those who should or could provide them with refuge.

When God is both our refuge in time of hardship and the recipient of our gratitude when we are not, we are the most likely of persons to make available for others in their needs, refuge.


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Thank You

I have had reason to send many “thank you” notes recently. As with writing Christmas cards, the task itself is not appealing, but sending them brings much satisfaction. Giving thanks is one of the finest characteristics of being a human. I am sure that our family dog was grateful for treats, as indicated by a furiously wagging tail. But we humans can, if we choose, give thanks even for things that are not necessarily pleasurable. To say “Thank you” to someone who shares in a moment of grief or loss is as lovely a human quality as expressing gratitude for a delicious meal, a carefully wrapped present, or any gift that we might give to one another.

We have been taught, as children, that we have a responsibility to thank people for gifts, and also to thank people for services rendered, even if we pay for the transactions. We become human by acting as humans: gratitude defines us as much as being able to think and to walk on two feet. Once we learn to give thanks, we experience a fine aspect of our spirituality in the responses we make for all that we receive. Giving thanks enhances us as much as it blesses others.

We do not give thanks to ourselves; we only thank other persons. We are created for relationships, not for isolated individual perfection, fulfillment, or any other option that we could imagine. What good is a talent or an achievement, except as it can be shared with, or expressed to, others? Whatever we do, the person we become and convey through our thoughts, actions, verbal and non-verbal expressions, provides others with occasions for giving thanks, just as an actor or musician, a grandmother or brother, a friend or a waiter, supplies us with reasons for gratitude.

In addition to people we meet in the course of our days, we might also want to say “Thank you” to God, Jesus, or a Holy One who is with God. Perhaps someone might believe that “Thank you” is over-familiar or is inadequate to convey our intentions. But our expressions of gratitude reflect our relationships with others, including God. God, and all who are with God, know us completely, and love us much more than we can know or love them. Any familiarity we have with one another is very slight compared to God’s close and particular regard for each of us. The more we convey our gratitude to God, to Jesus, or to those who are already with God, the more likely we will find ourselves using whatever expressions are natural for us, perhaps including “Thank you.”

God does not need our thanks, nor do the people we encounter each day. Whoever freely gives us a gift does not require gratitude as a prerequisite for caring about us, and those who provide services for pay do not demand thanks as part of the interchange. When we give thanks, we display a human quality that adds positively to every relationship, from least to greatest: our respect, at a minimum, and more probably, our love. When we contribute even a small amount to any relationship, we often receive even more in return – both from those we have thanked and also by becoming more truly human. Though people do not always respond to our gratitude, God does. God initiates the cycle by supplying both the gifts we receive and the inspirations to recognize them. Giving thanks is one way of loving back. And God, who is love, will keep the cycle moving forward to ever deeper levels.

“Thank you” can be both courteous and profound.
 

Updated: 04/04/09