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Essays - Spring, 2009
by Randy Roche, SJ
Below is a title and brief description of each essay. To read the essay, click on the title.
Pickles - We change what could be a loss into a gain.
Duets - Besides singing our part, we must listen to the other!
Why Hope? - Opting for hope must be an honest decision.
Traveling - Traveling within is always a round trip.
What Do You Want? - Our desires, and God’s desires for us, are very often found to be identical.
Tired? - Some of our tiredness must be healed in its roots before we can rest.
A Time to Dance - Spiritual experiences, including prayer, are like music, having a rhythm to which we might want to dance.
Ice Cream - We change, and God relates with us as we are.
Vocation Calling - We have yearnings and desires already within us to live with purpose, to make a difference, and to accomplish something of value.
Enjoying Mysteries - The mysteries of our lives are all real-life stories.
Open Secret - The Source of inspiration is an open secret.
“Why?” - When asking the question “why” does not bring us satisfying answers, we do well to stop asking it.
Opposing Fear - We cannot wish fear away, nor succeed by issuing a general decree: “No fear.”
Stress - We grow in almost every way when we accept challenges.
Pickles
Some pickles are sour, and some are sweet to the taste. Whatever preference we might have, we usually pick one or the other, for we cannot turn a sour pickle sweet, or a sweet pickle sour. If we like both, we can pick one, and then another, but we cannot change one into the other.
Some events in our lives are sour or bitter, but unlike pickles, they can be changed to sweet, acceptable, or satisfying. How can this happen? As a natural occurrence, it is not the same level of nature as that of pickles. When a difficult and painful incident becomes one that we talk about as a special victory in our lives the change that comes about is in the realm of spirit. The change we make from a negative episode to one that we consider positive is not chemical, biological, or physical, but results directly from choices we make.
We know that some difficulties are resolved without our doing anything: a stubbed toe hurts, and if there is no lasting injury, the pain diminishes and then ceases, without any action on our part other than our first exclamation of “ouch!” But the change from pain to no-pain that someone experiences after completing a marathon, or taking a very difficult employment test is of a different sort. We choose to endure suffering for a time, that we might have not only some benefits of physical health, or a new job, but a gratifying sense of accomplishment. We can change an unpleasant incident into one that we talk about with contentment.
We do not change events themselves, as if exhaustion could at the same time be made restful by anything we might do or say. But we fashion the meaning and purpose of many of our experiences by choosing an outlook, perspective, or way of understanding them. Many tribulations and problems come to us without our seeking them, yet we are able to transform them, too. We can engage our minds and hearts in creative and inspired decisions to adjust not the unchangeable realities, but our own attitudes. How often we take an unlooked-for interruption, and make it into an act of kindness or generosity. We change what could be a loss into a gain, though probably no one around us notices or appreciates the mini-miracle that takes place within us.
We are amazingly fashioned in our capacity to move through and beyond real suffering to conclusions that do not deny the cost, but are gratifying and valuable. According to our nature, negative events are accompanied by negative feelings. But that is not the end. We can choose to seek advantages for ourselves and others in and through all the events of our lives. When we expect to pass through painful periods to something that is better, grander in scope, and worthy of us as persons, our suffering often seems less intense. We bring some qualities to events that can transform them rather quickly. We do not rationalize – that would be dishonest – but we do bring reason to our experiences, and reflection. We intentionally broaden our understanding, so that we can put events into a larger context where sweet and sour remain different, but we decide how to make them complementary within our lives.
When challenges are particularly daunting, and we at first can scarcely believe that we will be able to find our way through, we can pray for the inspiration that will enable us to retain hope, and to make the decision that provides us with integrity and peace. Each time we succeed, we will more easily trust that we will do so again, and that we can deal with anything in life, including sour or sweet pickles.
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Duets
I learned at an early age when listening to recorded music, that sometimes two persons would sing together at the same time, or they might sing to each other. I noticed that often the two were a couple, but sometimes the interaction was between antagonists. Whether we sing in the shower, sing in church, or never sing, we often have interactions with one other person.
Sometimes we are in harmony as we relate with an individual, sometimes not. Some duets are more in our desires than in reality. Although we are aware that we have mental, physical, and spiritual differences with all other persons, we would like to interact with some as do singers when one carries the melody, and the other a different part, or both sing the same music together. But we can only offer to cooperate in a harmonious fashion with someone else. Even if we are willing to make every effort to complement, add to, or otherwise accompany another person, we cannot make another person cooperate with us.
Perhaps we do not have the voice, preferences, words or talents that will satisfy another person so that he or she would be wiling to engage with us in a balanced manner. But more often, others have motives of their own that are unrelated to any qualifications we might or might not have. We can focus on our disappointment, and we can come up with all kinds of reasons why the other person should choose to respond as we wish, but we always have the more helpful option of accepting the real consequences of human freedom, which allows us to be at peace, without the other person’s cooperation. Not even God forces anyone to join in a duet.
However, we can be absolutely sure that God is available to us and very desirous of creating a duet with us if we are willing. Even some of our frustrations or failures with others are opportunities for relating directly and personally with God. Whether we start out by complaining at the intransigence of another person, or expressing our hopes and concerns about someone else, we do not have to prove ourselves or otherwise try to convince God that we are ready to harmonize. With God, there are no prerequisites other than the essentials for all duets: besides singing our part, we must listen to the other!
No matter what we bring to a one-to-one session with God, we cannot give a solo performance and expect to come away with any satisfaction. Whether our expressions are of pain or sorrow, joy or delight, we will not experience fulfillment until we turn the ears of our hearts to the unique harmony that God makes with us.
If we have difficulty distinguishing God’s voice from our own, it is at least partly because God so graciously aligns with all the distinctive ways each of us communicates our thoughts and feelings. Rather than hearing words or receiving thoughts as from a distant “other,” the movements within us that are inspired by God are recognized by their effects: harmony, concord, and peace.
Duets: we can “sing” with God at any time and place, because our Partner loves to harmonize with us, and will do so, whenever we open our hearts.
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Why Hope?
Why not have hope, no matter how difficult or challenging the circumstances? We can reasonably and logically count up enough “bad news” on a daily basis to decide that there is no cause for hope. But reason and logic are not the primary sources for our decisions, especially regarding an attitude that affects all of our relationships and our own sense of worth.
If we look for “proof” of little cause for hope either in the world in general, or in our specific present situation, we will find it. Choosing to confirm a decision for despair (the opposite of hope) is not far different from a pre-determination to find fault in another person. If that is what we are looking for, we will see what we expect: that the person is flawed, or that hope is futile.
Opting for hope must be an honest decision; hope cannot be faked. We humans do not have the capacity to see in the dark, but we can use our knowledge to either seek out a source of light, or to do the best we can for the present moment even while we do not have light. We always have options for choosing life, even when we come to the end of our days. But hope is not limited to the major issue of life after life, but is rather a day-by-day choice to orient ourselves towards life, based not only on what we think, but on what we sense in our hearts.
Hope is a radical holistic point of reference, based on our decision to look at evidence available to us both externally, and internally, with particular attention to our values and to the inspirations of the moment. The opinions of others do not serve as the main criteria for choosing whether to move forward or to claim the status of helpless victim. Opinions, judgments, and statements by others might be intended to help us, but can also be motivated by selfishness, anger, fear, and other non-rational and unacknowledged movements within those who speak, write, or direct images towards us. Integrity and well-being can neither be given us nor taken away, for they are our responsibility. Hope is for those who choose it.
Those of us who make the choice for hope have learned to distinguish between inspiration and desperation. When we are aware of these influences, which are as significant for decision-making as all other evidence we might take into account, we can see the opposite directions to which they tend. One sign says “Proceed,” and the other, “Dead End.” We experience inspiration as the voice of a friendly guide, desperation as the voice of a pushy tyrant. Reflection upon all that we observe and experience, not reaction to real or imagined pain or suffering, makes hope not only possible, but realistic.
Attending to signs that are readily available enables us to choose hope even in “hopeless” situations.
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Traveling
How far do we have to travel to get from here to there, and how long will it take? We might be concerned with details including transportation and baggage, as well as important factors such as our purposes for traveling, and whether or not we look forward to the trip. Whether we go to a store, a relative’s dwelling, a school, or another country, travel requires that we make decisions, even if some of them are habitual and almost effortless.
What aspects of travel are required if we wish to meet God? We do not have to go to a place of worship, though we can encounter God there. The distance we must traverse is not measured in miles but we benefit be doing some planning, as we do before traveling. We do not need a ticket, and no price is involved, but only we can make the arrangements. No matter how strongly we might be invited to visit, no one can bring us to God unless we choose to go.
What purposes might we have for going to an interior place of encounter with God? Perhaps we are in need of healing, and we intuitively know that we should meet with God even before we make an appointment to go to a doctor’s office, a counselor, or a friend who will listen to us. Or, we might be moved with gratitude after having succeeded with a difficult challenge or having appreciated a gorgeous sunset. We can travel to the sacred place inside us where we make our decisions, and there we can share who we are with One who fully appreciates what we experience, and delights in being with us.
Traveling within is always a round trip, because we come back to every-day tasks as we do after a vacation or a job-interview. But, like many trips we take that are habitual, we hardly think of them as traveling, but more as an ordinary part of life. From another perspective, we do not go to a particular place to meet God, but choose to become aware of someone who is already with us. Just as we can look up from reading or watching TV while sitting in a room with someone, and turn our attention from the media to the other person, we can instantly travel the distance from wherever we are and from whatever we are doing or thinking, to God, who is closer to us than air to our faces.
We can go to meet God with or without “baggage.” There is no weight limitation, no extra charges for coming with hefty concerns, strongly held opinions, or unwholesome attitudes. We can bring with us anger, fear, regret, or hesitation though we can also come with joyful expectation, hopefulness, or love. God does not screen out anything we might have with us, and nothing will be taken from us against our will, but we might well leave some of our baggage behind after meeting with God.
Travel, even to God, does not require that we begin with “holy” feelings, only that we decide to make the trip. We will be welcome, whenever we choose to visit with God.
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What Do You Want?
Much depends upon the attitude of someone who asks “What do you want?” We know that the question can be a direct request for information, accompanied by a willingness to comply, as when parents seek to meet some needs of their children. The question can also express irritation, as when someone believes that a request is misdirected or unreasonable.
What is God’s perspective in asking us “What do you want?” We might be surprised to imagine God asking us what we want, when it would seem far more appropriate for us to be asking what God wants. But if we are capable of desiring to meet the needs of others, we can believe that God is both the source of such an attitude of caring in us, and is the model of such concern. God indeed asks about what we want, and does so in a variety of ways.
God can ask the question – and so can we – in order to help us reflect, and to become more consciously aware of the significant issues in our lives rather than some of the mere wishes, fantasies, or inconsequential thoughts that might come to mind. God inspires us to consider more deeply what we want so that we will readily discover within ourselves the directions and manner of living that are most fulfilling for us and helpful to others. God acts, as would a dear friend, leading us to consider what for us is our vocation or calling: what we really and truly want in life. Leading and inspiring us to reflect on such a question is not at all the same as taking responsibility for the decisions and actions that belong entirely to us. In this way, our desires, and God’s desires for us, are very often found to be identical.
When we enquire about another’s needs or desires, we do not always fulfill their requests. In deciding what to do, we take into account our own capacities and motives, and we also make a considered judgment as to what would be truly helpful to the individuals with whom we are relating. God wants what is best for us, and likewise does not always immediately give us what we might want.
“What do you want?” can be asked about a small particular, as when an ice cream sales person suggests to a customer that he or she make a selection of a flavor. But we often use the question in a broader sense, as when someone might knock on the door of our office or home, and we do not know why the person is coming to us. God does know everything there is to know about us, but for our own self-knowledge, wants us to consider frequently what we want in life, in our relationship to God, and in our relationships with others. When we reason, reflect, and pray over the important aspects of our lives, we are much more likely to become consciously aware of the better options before us – those that are in accord with our deepest values – than to let ourselves be unduly pushed and pulled by passing thoughts, shallow impulses, and mere surface attractions.
Whenever we are ready, we can imagine that God looks at us with great love, and asks us an open question: “What do you want?”
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Tired?
We need rest when we are tired, rest that is restorative. But there are some forms of being tired that require more than a brief time-out, or even a full night’s sleep. Some of our tiredness must be healed in its roots before we can rest.
If we wake up at night even though we are tired, we might grow progressively more anxious. When our spirits are disturbed, we will remain tired, no matter how much time we are able to spend in sleep. We can resort to medications, which at times are helpful, but we can also go directly to God, and consciously deal with our restlessness, and the causes of our ongoing tiredness: the fears, doubts, anxieties, anger, passion and whatever we find turning over in our minds and hearts. Not all that deeply concerns us is negative, but we risk personal harm if we do not seek healing for continual and excessive stress of any kind.
We cannot force rest upon ourselves, though we might think that sufficient rest would suffice to settle whatever inner disturbances we are experiencing. We can investigate and consider just what might be bothering us, thereby entering a healing and pro-active mode. And, since we cannot solve everything merely by thinking, we can fulfill the promise of healing that we have begun, by bringing honestly and truthfully to the Lord whatever is going on in us.
Our needs for healing can serve as occasions for us to grow closer to God, like two friends who “bond” while dealing with a common challenge. We are not alone in the difficulties we have to face, even if there are no humans to whom we can turn, especially in the middle of the night, or when we are not yet able to identify what troubles us. Rather than lose heart, we can “come as we are” and receive exactly the acceptance and non-judgmental love we need any time of the day or night. God loves to heal; God’s love heals.
The inspirations we receive in the presence of God enable us to find our way through the causes of our restlessness. We become capable of discernment, and become aware of the guidance that God provides, whereby we recognize thoughts that are discouraging, and thoughts that are consonant with the healing process. In our busy lives, we all have challenges, some of them painful, but facing them in the company of our Creator enables us to work through our tiredness to recovery of an honest sense of our place in the world. With a renewed sense of integrity, we can let go of the circular, frustrating, thoughts that have been persecuting us, and so enter into restorative rest.
Let God be God and work with us and for us.
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A Time to Dance
I love Hawaiian music, but my first and only attempt at hula came to a rapid conclusion, when, after having learned how to make a simple hand-gesture, I was told to also make a coordinated series of steps. End of lesson, end of dance for me. Yet, I am scarcely able to remain still in the presence of music: classical, liturgical, or popular – if it has rhythm, my body wants to move.
We can be positively and negatively stirred by various kinds of music. We choose the music we like to hear, and willingly allow ourselves to respond to it. Other music does not move us, as with much of what we hear in our environment: from shopping malls to elevators and offices, and sometimes the room right next to us. We hear the sounds, which sometimes are forced upon us, but we do not listen, and we do not freely respond with our whole selves. We will not dance to music that is not ours.
Spiritual experiences, including prayer, are like music, having a rhythm to which we might want to dance - at least in the sense of allowing ourselves to be moved according to what we perceive in the quiet of our hearts. When we respond to music, we do so not just with our ears, in hearing, or our bodies, by moving in time with the beat, but with our minds and hearts. When we are in contact with God’s loving Spirit, we are at times moved with positive feelings, perhaps accompanied with a bit of tears in our eyes, because our bodies cannot help but respond to what we “hear” within us.
As with music, we can choose to respond to the non-physical “sounds” that we become aware of when we quietly reflect on the experiences of our day, or calmly read a passage of Scripture or spend time with a piece of poetry or prose that has meaning for us. We allow or disallow our spirits to dance to the music that no one else can hear since it takes place wholly within us. We can become familiar with experiences of mental words or no-words, with gentle feelings or strong, with knowing or not knowing, yet never hear the same music twice, and never dance to it in exactly the same way.
As I was self-conscious when receiving the hula lesson, any of us can become uncomfortable at first with spiritual experiences. But who is present, other than God? Who would even think of us a being awkward as we learn to dance to heart-music? We have no audience to judge us either kindly or unkindly, and no one for whom to perform. As we become familiar with, permissive even, with our own inner responses to the movements of love, our dancing will only indirectly become visible to others. Love will show forth in deeds - that is its nature - and those who love have a radiance that manifests its unseen source.
Even those who have learned the discipline of moving their bodies in time with music, and are rightly called dancers, either choose to follow the spirit movements within them or decide not to pay attention to the inner music.
Some of us do most of our “dancing” within, but for all of us there is a time to dance.
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Ice Cream
Many of us do not eat as much ice cream as we did when we were younger. Some prefer alternatives: sorbet, frozen yogurt, shave ice, or the most recent kind of frozen dessert that is available. Some reasons for not taking ice cream include caution about calories, allergies to dairy products, or concerns about cholesterol. Ice cream has not changed that much over the years, though new brands with higher prices are continually presented to us. But we have changed, not just in our choice of desserts, but in our tastes, our habits, our values, and our concerns – they are not all the same as they were some years previously.
Have we changed for the better? We might miss some of the enjoyable, satisfying experiences we had earlier, including spiritual consolations. But would we really want to go back to a previous time in life, becoming a child again so that we could eat and take delight in large quantities of ice cream, or returning to a time when we first discovered the deep joy of encountering God, or Spirit, or Love?
We change, and God relates with us as we are, not as we were, and not even as we think we should be. God invites us to come closer and deeper in a relationship of love. Our experiences with prayer and reflection are not the same as they were when we were younger, nor are our customs with eating desserts. Unless we have wandered down a path we know to be wrong for us, we are, at this time in our lives, exactly where we need to be. We have changed, and much of our change has been inspired and guided by God who loves us.
As we grow in confidence that we are loved as we are, we freely relinquish false self-images about our powers and accomplishments, quietly recognize the many areas of life that we do not control, and peacefully acknowledge some of the hidden weaknesses whereby appetites still push us around. We meet God humbly but sincerely in a relationship that is not between equals, but is heart to heart. God loves us as God does, and we return love as we are - sometimes with great facility, and other times wondering how we can continue. We constantly change and grow in love, while much else in life seems to drop away as no longer as important to us as it once was.
A taste of ice cream might or might not be one of our pleasures now, for any number of reasons. But there are no reasons for turning down the pleasure of God’s company. Ice cream is made for people to enjoy or not. We are created to love and to be loved. While everything about us changes, the purpose of our existence – love – remains the ultimate reality for which we are invited to make all changes that are ours to choose, to admit, and to accept.
Ice cream might still be an option.
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Vocation Calling
The word “vocation” comes from a Latin word meaning “to call.” When we find a particular, personal direction in life, we can say that we are aware of a calling, or a vocation. The experience of receiving, discovering, or becoming aware of a significant choice that is open to us is like having someone call us, offering an attractive, though perhaps disturbing, invitation.
We perceive calls towards basic orientations in life as personally and individually as we do with answering a telephone: it is for us, not someone else. We might go through a period of doubt and questioning, much as we do if at first we believe that someone has dialed a wrong number, only to suddenly recognize the caller, and therefore become alert and attentive to the message or to the conversation that ensues. Some of us find that the most satisfying explanation for the special invitations we receive is to believe that they come from God.
However we might explain to ourselves the source of vocational awareness, we experience the calls as insistent, but not commanding, powerful, but not overpowering, a bit frightening perhaps, but never actually threatening. Our true callings are usually accompanied by consolations that support us in taking practical steps towards enacting what we, at our deepest level, want to do and how we want to live. Many of us receive not only increased understanding of options we might pursue but also desires to act, even in the face of some contrary, negative thoughts that arise.
Though we surely do at times receive invitations or even commands from other persons, only we can know, perhaps after some reflection, whether or to what degree we experience from them a true match with our deepest desires. We do not know all our reasons for choosing to make a significant change in our lives, or to accept a heavy responsibility, or to make a commitment to a group or to an individual, but we do have an inner assurance that coincides with decisions involving our calling or vocation. No matter what the cost or consequences might be, when our hearts say “yes” with conviction, refusing such a call would make it difficult to live with ourselves. We can rightly say: “Our vocations are us.”
Many of us, looking back, have come to recognize both the complexity and the simplicity of the foremost callings in our lives. One of us might have known with complete certainty that we would marry, or that we would be self-employed, or that teaching would be our career. Some of us have taken small steps that we knew at the time were ours to take, and only later found where they led us: to becoming a care-giver, an administrator, or a peace-maker. All of us follow more than one vocation in life, some of them concurrent, but each and all of them comprise the real reasons for getting up and beginning our day.
If we do not want to receive telephone calls or email messages, we can ignore them. We can even separate ourselves from contact with the sources of communication if we wish. We can also take no notice of vocational stirrings, and can, to a certain extent, avoid contact with God and anyone else who might present us with options that would resonate with our hearts. But ultimately, we have yearnings and desires already within us to live with purpose, to make a difference, and to accomplish something of value.
Out of misplaced fear we might refuse to consider the invitations that are surely directed towards us, but every true vocation is, and can only be, for our welfare and that of everyone around us. Our calling is always in accord with our gifts, talents, capabilities, and personalities. We can enhance our reception of vocational calling by reflecting consciously on the desires of our hearts rather than the attractions that appeal only to our minds or physical senses. We can, if we choose, pray to perceive and to receive our vocations.
Again: “Our vocations are us.”
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Enjoying Mysteries
When I was of high school age, a favorite radio program of mine was, “I Love a Mystery.” With stories that we either hear or read but do not see, we have to use our imaginations to picture the scenes. No two of us visualize events in the same way, yet all of us can enjoy the same story. We do not create the basic stories themselves, but we take pleasure in them to the extent that we actively participate with imagination, understanding, and emotional responses.
Mystery stories challenge our powers of reasoning and our openness to intuition. We relish solving mysteries, but we also appreciate taking part in the process of making connections, checking our assumptions, and being surprised by the successive narration of events. We are familiar with mysteries both fictional and real, and comfortable dealing with them.
We might not think at first that the non-fictional mysteries we ordinarily encounter outside of recreational activities would be enjoyable. But if we consider, even briefly, some of the mysteries that are part of our daily lives, we will almost certainly appreciate them, and find in them a source of consolation. Mysteries of faith and love, of nature, life, and our physical and spiritual senses, provide us with opportunities to experience simple and sincere joy any time we choose to reflect on them.
The mysteries of our lives are all real-life stories, involving ongoing challenges not only to our minds, but to our hearts as well. We experience in ourselves exciting, sometimes frightening, twists and turns of plot that unfold in ways just as complex and unpredictable as what we find in the writings of the best novelists. If we are willing to look for and to acknowledge the exercise of such qualities as honesty and courage, love and compassion, rather than focus our attention on achieving a complete understanding, we can enjoy our participation in some of the mysteries that open out before us.
A mystery story, when we reach the end, is finished. The mystery is solved, and our temporary pleasure is also concluded – and that is fine. But some of mysteries we live with are never solved completely; partial solutions content us. We continue on and resolve even more of the questions that arise. The mysteries of life are so great that after we reach a satisfying solution, we might at any time discover an additional answer that encompasses even more of the mystery, without causing our previous answers to be wrong.
What are some favorite mysteries to which we can turn again and again, to enjoy them? For all that we know about child-birth, do we not take pleasure in observing one infant grow – predictably, yet also in unique and unforeseen ways? How is it that you or I have come to have, at this point in life, a positive attitude, when there is so much suffering in life? We observe what is around us, and we choose an answer that satisfies us for now; and the process continues. We each live, and live well, with many mysteries for which we have only partial, but sufficient answers for the moment.
God’s love, our love for one another, confidence and kindness: these, and any we might call to mind, are mysteries we can investigate, consider, and resolve in a delightfully mysterious fashion. We can enjoy, but never fully explain, how it is that we have the power to wonder at questions both simple and complex, and find within us some answers that truly satisfy. What or Who is the source of this inner search and joy of discovery?
Enjoy your mysteries.
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Open Secret
Sometimes fresh ideas come to us in a linear fashion, by making connections one at a time - much like a child putting one block on top of another. Often enough we seek answers to questions in a reasoned and logical manner, as when we “Google” a word or expression to find what we wish to know. But frequently, some of our best thinking seems to arise in a non-linear fashion as if from some hidden, secret source that we do not control. We cannot open this source and examine the contents as one could with a catalog, selecting one brilliant idea from a list of offerings.
For most of us, new and helpful thoughts appear in consciousness with no observable connection with our previous lines of thinking. This happens frequently enough so that we have likely become familiar with the experience, yet each new insight we receive has about it an element of surprise. Receiving inspirations is an open secret: partially hidden, even from us, yet readily apparent, as though we had a cell phone that allowed us to receive incoming messages without need of handling, using buttons, or anything else, other than our willingness to listen.
To find already existing information, we choose a particular source: a radio or TV station, email or other web-based program, published materials, or a consultant. To receive inspirations, new ideas, or surprising answers to questions, we have only to put ourselves in a receptive mode, where the only control we exercise is deciding whether to accept and act on what we receive, or to dismiss what comes to mind.
How very interesting and perhaps amusing – at least upon reflection - that a process so significant for quality of life, and so fruitful in practical outcomes each day, cannot be bought or sold, transferred from one person to another, or compelled to perform in any way. The experience of receiving inspirations is as pleasant as receiving a compliment, and is more beneficial for work and for play, for prayer and every creative exercise, as any other resource that we can access. That we do not have control over inspirations does not make them any less valuable to us than the healing affects of a good night’s rest, or the positive influence of conversing with a friend.
Inspirations have much in common with love. We cannot live without love, but love is always gratuitous, never forced. Even though “the best things in life are free,” they often come to us to the degree that we are open to them and welcome such gifts. We always retain the power to reject what is offered and not to believe in anything that we neither deserve nor earn. But we also have the more than equal and opposite power to trust, and to look for any and all thoughts and desires that enable us to fulfill the purpose of our existence.
Though we can welcome inspiration while attributing the process primarily to our sub-conscious, giving thanks to God for helpful thoughts increases our appreciation for them. In addition, we have Someone to ask, whenever we cannot make the next thought or word that we need appear on demand from our own minds.
The Source of inspiration is an open secret. “Ask, and it will be given you.” (Luke 11:9)
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“Why?”
Children ask questions because they are curious, and want to learn. They also discover that they can ask questions more for the reactions they receive than for information. We too seek reasons, sometimes from curiosity, and sometimes to obtain helpful information, but also, at times, to express our feelings or even to provoke a response.
If we ask of a person who has disappointed us, “Why did you do that?” we are not nearly as interested in reasons as we are in reconciliation. We want more than mere intellectual understanding; we seek healing for our hurt or anger. Excuses will not do. Expressions of sincere concern are quite acceptable.
Sometimes “why” is not a helpful question, especially if we mistakenly imagine that information will satisfy both mind and heart. For example, we might ask, “Why did my friend or family member die?” Even if someone would answer with a medical cause of death we would only be partially satisfied with the answer. Mostly, in such a situation, we need help to come to terms with loss. To keep asking “why” can interfere with resolving the pain that we would experience.
When asking the question “why” does not bring us satisfying answers, we do well to stop asking it. The question that will open us to inspirations is: “What am I to do?” In response to a hurt, we need to seek healing, or reconciliation, or we might determine that it is time to make a statement, or change a job or a relationship. Asking “why” often goes nowhere. Asking “what” engages us in determining our next step.
When a child asks “why” in order to understand, we give the best answer we can. When the question is asked as an expression of anger or hurt, we do not give reasons, but show our compassion for them, and instinctively try to help them deal with their underlying concerns. God, too, does not answer the question “why” when it is not really helpful to us. “If only I could understand” is commonly thought of as a resolution to a painful situation, but very often we need love much more than knowledge. God always loves us, but does not always respond to our insistence on either explanations or reasons for whatever troubles us.
We do not live on knowledge alone, and we do not have reasons for all that we do – at least not reasons that we consciously apply to every thought, word, or act. Some of our behavior comes directly from the heart, from habits, or from spontaneous responses or reactions. We can make up reasons after the fact to try to please someone else, and we can rationalize particular choices even to ourselves. But honesty and integrity require that we accept and live with the consequences of both our thoughtful and thoughtless decisions. Likewise, whether or not we understand why things happen, what we do about them constitutes who we are as persons.
God must receive many “why” questions that are really accusations, though not consciously intended as such. When any of us experiences suffering personally, or is concerned about that of others, we might ask, “Why did this happen?” and implicitly or explicitly blame God for whatever we or others experience. Rarely do we receive, in such circumstances, a set of explanations from God. What reasons can any of us give, if someone asks “Why did you not love me the way I wanted you to love me?” We love people the way we love them, and they can accept and believe it or not. God loves us the way God loves us, and we can accept and believe it or not.
When our starting point is either trust or love, we will find the right questions to ask, and receive the answers that satisfy both mind and heart.
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Opposing Fear
Fear is not a word that elicits delight. Even the opposite of fear - courage, bravery, or some other expression - does not necessarily cause joy. There is little about fear to like, and we will not have much of a life if we do not oppose the many forms of fear that confront us.
Sometimes, we can put an end to feelings of fear by using reason, as when an unfamiliar sound can cause fright until we learn that the source is not really a threat to us. For anything other than an immediate physical threat to which we must respond, we can pause for a moment to consider the sources of the fear, and think through the realities of our situation before deciding whether we really need to protect ourselves or can reasonably move through and past the occasion of fear.
We can often displace fear when we choose to act out of a value that is greater than the threat, as when we love someone enough to help him or her even at some risk to ourselves. We are quite capable of distinguishing between facing an extreme emergency where we might put our lives at great peril of injury or an occasion when we would merely be risking a minor verbal rejection. But in fearful situations great or small, our decisions will be influenced by the values we hold more than by our reasons.
Fear has many varieties, some powerful enough to completely engage all our faculties, others so subtle that they are almost below the level of consciousness. Anxiety is one kind of fear that afflicts most of us at times, and can, unaddressed, cause harm even if the threat is never fulfilled, or the intensity is quite mild. When we are anxious, we usually have an abiding feeling of unease that also occupies a part of our minds, diminishing our resources for living. If an open window is letting in too much air, we close it rather than remain uncomfortable. For anxieties, we can identify the source, and make a commitment to deal with the problem either right now or at some later time. We thereby replace a generalized feeling of distress with a definite and firm plan to take whatever action or avoidance of action we judge to be appropriate.
Some feelings of fear are immediate and physical, and wholly unavoidable, as when we face the sudden menace of a traffic accident. We respond as best we can, and take care of the consequences afterwards. Whether or not we or someone else suffers injury, our bodies and minds carry the after-effects. The sooner we seek healing for the thoughts and feelings that follow an episode of fear, the less time and energy we will lose, somewhat like those who come home with a heavy briefcase or shopping bag and immediately set it down rather than carry it around while trying to set the table or open the mail.
Fear of God, fear of what others might think about us, fear of loss, of death, of suffering – any of us might be subjected to a type of fear at one time or another. We owe fear no allegiance, no freedom to roam the private rooms of our awareness where peace and self-respect belong as rightful residents. We cannot wish fear away, nor succeed by issuing a general decree: “No fear.” But we can appraise each experience of fear from the life-enhancing perspective of determining to get through it rather than to be dominated by it. For one example, fear of God can be turned completely around to an experience of friendship by turning directly to God and giving expression to our present thoughts and feelings. Though this does not always work with every other person in our lives, more often than not we can move beyond our fears when we face them directly and honestly.
The fears that will dissipate and disappear are the fears that are opposed.
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Stress
For many of us, stress is the opposite of rest, peace, calm, or contentment. We do not enjoy being “stressed out. But some stress is necessary, even for our physical well being, as we have learned from those who became weightless while in space: without stress, our bodies lose bone density and muscle tone. Our minds also need to work with new problems, or we lose the capacity to think clearly. Some stress is beneficial to maintaining our memories, minds, bodies, and spirits.
We grow in almost every way when we accept challenges, whether they come to us from without, or we set them up for ourselves; whether we are asked to take on a leadership position, or we begin a program of regular exercise. The stress is real, and perhaps unpleasant in some aspects. Yet, like steel that has been subjected to both heat and cold, we gain much from our experiences.
Relationships are important to us, but they always require some stretching to accommodate the differences between one person and another. The more we know someone, and grow to love and respect him or her, the more we make changes in our thinking and in our behavior. Every friend and each family member is at times an occasion for stress, but that does not make us worse as a person. We make choices about our relationships based on many factors, especially the quality of our love, not just the degree of stressful feelings that might sometimes occur.
We might think of our experiences of stress as a form of suffering, but not all suffering is destructive. What are the consequences of the stresses we endure, of the challenges we face? If we decide to make changes in our lives in order to deal with the stress, we grow. If we refuse, and spend our energy blaming others, we suffer loss, and the stress might yet remain.
Reflection on past experiences is very useful to us in handling present stress. We can look back and see examples of challenges that were significant at the time, but are no longer so, because we successfully made adaptations and changes as well as at times standing firm. We value highly the growth that resulted from some of the trials that we passed. Much of what we have previously negotiated equips us to make appropriate decisions in our present circumstances.
Whenever we become aware of stress in our lives, we have an opportunity to meet God much more realistically than merely in our thoughts and considerations. We are in our most spiritual mode when we are deciding whether to go forward or to run away. God is present in every set of circumstances, ready to co-create with us a resolution that matches perfectly with who we are and who we can become, never forcing, but always supporting us in our deepest desire to choose the better option of what is available to us.
Not all stress is good for us, nor can we cope with any and all challenges that are either possible or proposed to us. Most of us have been faced with difficulties so severe that we could not imagine getting through them, but here we are. We have also endured the stress of small and large expectations and demands made on us by others. Some of the best decisions we have made about sources of stress have been to say “no:” not to accept a challenge, rule, or requirement that we judge inappropriate for us as the time. The same God who enables us to pass through many difficulties also enables us to sense when it is not our turn to step up, but rather to step back – and to do so with the familiar interior knowledge that recognizes the distinction between right and wrong.
Since we cannot live without stress, we continue to learn how to live with it.
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Updated: 07/18/08 |